My friends.... i have something to say ....

Assumptions and a breakdown in communication can be a VERY dangerous threat to any relationship. And one in particular, friendship. I learnt that the hardway and i should have learnt it a long time ago.

Tonight, i was close to loosing a friend because i assumed she moved on and that her other group of friends (which i deemed to be 'cooler') took priority over me. I assumed that she had a better life than i have, having more fun, seeing the world more, living the experience and life that i secretly grew more and more jealous about. Having been pretty much left alone for the past 2 years, i've pretty much grown used to doing things on my own and having more time to myself. I've pretty much made a life that was different from when my girlfriends were around 2 years back. So she assmued i didn't want her in my life anymore and i assumed i wasn't good enough for her anymore. Thankfully, we managed to talk things out and we need to talk somemore. Too much assumptions and too much things are left unsaid.

So that chapter behind us, i look at the past couple of weeks. Life with the girls back (most of them) have been good but, and pardon me for saying this my friends, i feel threatened. In a sense, i look at myself and i don't really have anything to show. Other than work, which probably is why it became the only topic i talked about. Now that most of them are back, i am feeling the distance between me and them. I can't blame them cos it is not their fault. It is mine. And honestly, it's like being a hermit for so long that to come out and open up to the world and having to divide my time amongst them.... it's something that had become a lil foreign to me. Yep, you find out alot about who you are in times like these.

My gf, Qinz, said she was proud of me and that i finally gritted my teeth and just went back to school instead of trying to go to Aus or somewhere else for school. Honestly, i didn't think it was anything to be proud of. I am going to school just so i have the paper to get out of here. Away from the home i have been living in for the past 15 years. I need to breathe, i need to explore, i need to prove that i am worth something..... for myself. I apologise if this offends any of my gf who reads this in one way of the other. Though, i rather you be mad at me than to assume anything else. Least i know what goes on.